Monday, June 23, 2014

Immediate Opening

Immediate Opening: All Grill Meisters invited to apply! Walk-ins welcome.

Applications and interviews being held one day only, this Saturday, beginning at 10 a.m. All applicants must be open to immediate availability. Weekends a must for this pending grill position to family of four; three children, one mother: all hearty eaters.

Cooking entries begin promptly at 10 a.m, and are open to the public, professional or non-professional. Trials will begin with simple basic meat entree preparation and food handling safety. Remaining competition entrants will then progress to side dishes and food safety, with special attention to mayonnaise based sauces. Participants may bring own food or specialty items, but staple items of ground beef and rib eyes will be available for purchase on site.

Further required knowledge to include:
--Full comprehensive understanding of safety information, backyard safety, and grilling techniques is expected.
--Entrants will be tested in written and oral form for working knowledge of how to build a controllable fire, how to choose the safest grill for your loved ones, pros and cons of gas versus charcoal, chimney starter over lighter fluid, taming flames, and prompt handling of flare-ups.
--Practical common sense application of proper placement of grill from low lying tree branches, awareness of location of children and pets from proximity of grilling area at all times, proper clothing attire while grilling, and a respect for exploding sausages is required.
--Grillers may register for up to four categories: marinating, smoking, grilling, and flame extinguishing.

*Entry fee of $5.00.
*Live music, food, refreshments and exposure to potential additional employment by others in neighborhood.

This event is sponsored by the Schmidt Family in hopes of replacing their former grill master whose wife has legally restrained from ever setting his GD charred eyebrows and singed chest hair near their children or their family’s Char-Broil four-burner gas grill for the remaining duration of their marriage.

Proceeds will go to purchase of new Char-Broil with side-burners and welder’s mask and vest for next Schmidt Family Grill Master.

Added sign-on bonus of $50 gift card to Hank's Grillin' for Grillers Depot Supply and a one-year subscription to Kingsford's BBQ Culture Quarterly will go to the successful griller.

Interested parties are asked to not arrive in Wisconsin Badger T-shirts, flip-flops, and backwards facing baseball caps in consideration of the Schmidt children and the potential of charcoal starter fluid triggered PTSD.

* * * 


  1. Hilarious! I would add that producing hamburgers that resemble hockey pucks post-grill will result in immediate disqualification from consideration.

  2. Andrea: this, is a true story. Husband almost up in flames. I now insist on a ten foot radius around him and the grill. xo

  3. wow. i would say i have never singed my chest hairs...only my i might just qualify...smiles.



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