|Maybe they won't find me in my blanket tent|
When did our homes become so... cramped.
When did they become so... filled with bodies.
When did it start to feel like... there isn't enough air to breathe.
When did we only... have one pitch level to our voice and that of siren.
The answer to that is right about the time you stepped on water bottles left to roll on the ground, popped up Pringles canisters jabbing at the arch of your foot, and plates caked with cinnamon roll frosting discovered the next week when you're vacuuming.
By Day Four of Beautiful Summer Vacation, I am screaming. It's the visual assault of *The Things*, they are everywhere. And I'm not just talking about the kids.
How do I stop my screeching nagging?
There is good news, friends! Researchers at MamaLlama Resource Center (totally made up), also known as the makers of Mama Relax! tea and herbal supplements, have uncovered a new way to
sedate reduce that trigger wail response of It's All
There is a substance that will coat and soothe those frayed neuron receptors. The very ones that sway back and forth and take over your brain, making you scream Pick that up! And That over there too!The answer is simple: Want to save your summer? Then...
Invest in a warehouse size box of chocolate.
The size that requires a teenager to carry it out to your car. This substance will jump-start the relax response and interrupt the connection from eyes to brain to tongue. You won't see the things, you won't be able to scream about the things, you will feel so good while chocolate drool is oozing out of both corners of your mouth that researchers know their work will lead to a new conditioned response.
One that can save summer vacation and be used to develop positive memories of time spent together for every member of the household. *slurp*
For best results, chocolate must be shoved into mouth by the handful so that you can't close your lips. No dainty eating because this is the real deal that needs to go down.
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