She might as well as have just come out and said, "not if you were the LAST person.on.earth would I hook up with you." But she didn't have to, the alarmed look in her eyes did it for her.
Things had been going well between us, I thought so anyway. I hadn't seen her at this park before, and it was a wonderful early Spring day--the kind where everyone is eager to be outside. We each had 3 children-- roughly the same age, they were all getting along fine on the playset, she had brought organic snacks, Hey! me, too! I heard her tell her children how important it was to clean up your area after eating, to keep mother earth green. It was all good.
We had chatted, exchanged adorable toddler anecdotes, laughed at each other's stories about staying home with the little ones. I had pushed her daughter on the swing, she had helped my son down from the slide. We were dressed similarly enough, so our values were evident to each other. As the afternoon wore on, and the children began to tire, we rounded them all up--time to head to home sweet home. We both believed in naps, even at this age! Does it get any better than this? I smiled. Could she be the one?
I thought I had the green light, I tell you that's how I read it, otherwise I never would've ventured and put myself out there as I was about to do. I cleared my throat, "Say, it was so nice meeting you today, and our kids seem to get along so well...would you like to meet up next week, same time? same place?"
Her eyes locked with mine, frozen, in terror. I was so very happy I could not read minds. Because I know I would've picked up the echoey inner voice that would've sounded something like "not if you were the last person on earth would I meet up with you."
She blinked once, maybe three or four more times, then began to stammer out an excuse about already having a full calendar--haha--
"Ummm...," I, for some reason, decide to take the heat off her. "O..o..o..okay, I totally understand, really. Well, nice to meet you anyway!" I said in the fakest bright voice I could spit out, then I quickly headed to the van."Go, kids, go!", I ordered in a hushed tone. "Why, mommy, is it going to ran bad?" Uh. No...I just am embarrassed all to heck and want to get the heck out of here as fast as I can before she sees my red face. "No..just...go. That's all, go."
I wondered what the heck it was about me. It would be nice to see how others see us sometimes. But, then I kept thinking on the drive home--and I decided to decide that I would mentally deal with it as perhaps the truth? Maybe she did have enough friends and could not stand to take on another one, maybe her clique frowned upon outsiders, maybe her calendar was booked solid. If I found her appealing, I'm sure others had, too.
I go home and look at Hillel's quote that I kept taped to the inside of my kitchen cabinet, "I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing." I had plenty to dance about in my life, and I would keep trying and find others who liked dancing with me, too.
If you haven't yet paid a visit to Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip, I'd like to encourage you. Her post on "Pickup Lines for Playdates" is a gem.