Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Sing It, Donkey!

Do you remember Donkey in Shrek? Do you remember the part where he sings, "Baby Got Back?"  It's important that you answer yes to this question.

Yes? Good.

Bet you didn't know it's me he's singing about in that all out Holla! house party Shrek is having with his friends in the magic woods. The one where Fiona is rolling around like Madonna?  The one where Gingey is going  all crazy like he's done whippets or something. That huge party? Uh-huh. You know the one where Donkey comes out singing, "I like Big Butts and I cannot lie..." Dedicated. To. Me.

I HAVE A BIG BUTT. And I cannot lie. Not any more.

It didn't happen overnight, it's been s-l-o-w-l-y taking up residence for the last three years, but, BUTT? today? TODAY? Well, today it is all there, baby. I mean all the way live.

It slowly began with "hmmm ... what pants can I jam my bodaciousness into today?" to "where's that dang pair of yoga pants I always wear even though I've never been to a yoga class."   And, this morning, that last pair just mentioned? Can no longer work 'em. That's right. Fabric can only be stretched to its limit, even yoga fabric, until, it reaches ... its limit.

But, this time, instead of freaking out while I tugged and pulled and swore and got depressed and sucked it in, I just suddenly burst out laughing at what I saw in the mirror. Oh Em Gee. And the song popped into my head, like a gift from heaven,  "I like big butts and I cannot lie."

It's so  there.

My butt is SO there.

And, ala Joy Behar, "so what? so what?"  I'm tired of always having to worry about it. It's there, and that's how it is.

It's there, and I surrender.

I saw myself in the mirror, smashed and sausage casing-ed  into those jeans, with everything just pouring and oozing out of the top, and the sides and the front ... and ... and ... I couldn't help but laugh out loud at what was reflected back. Oh, My, BabyGotBack.

BabyGotBack, and that is fine, because I know how I got here.

I got here because I didn't turn down a single invitation to Fourbucks with a friend, and I didn't say no to "let's make cupcakes, mama" at three in the afternoon. I got here on a road paved with laughter, fat-laden mochas, a shared cupcake, moments with  friends, and ... living.

I wouldn't trade any minutes of time spent  with someone who wants to be with me for moments of being able to squeeze into smaller size pants.

So, when Mrs. Cutie-Pie-Next-Door (and you know who you are) leans in to whisper to Mrs. Thin-As-A-Rail from across the street, (and you, also, know who you are)  upon spying my Bodaciousness and Lusciousness in All.Its.Glory in the neighborhood, "OMG, Mrs. T.A.A.R., look at her butt, It is SOOO big--I mean, Her Butt--it is just sooo big. It's just sooo round, and sooo out there, " I'll just smile smugly because in the song? when Donkey joyfully invites "so ladies if the butt is big, dial 1-900-donkey"? it'll be donkey, who'll be dialing up me, cuz MamaGotBack.

And mama has got a story called "living life" behind every single ounce of jiggly deliciousness back there. And, yes, donkey, I'm not bad at all, if you like a little junk in your trunk.


  1. go ON with your big butt, girl!


    Big Thighs

  2. You are so funny! Happy St Paddy's Day!!Love your visits..how is gramma rose doing?

  3. Baby Got Back! That's my jam. And I've got plenty to go round as well over here. Tee hee. Great post!!

  4. Hey Empress, thanks for Women's Colony. Loved it, as you knew I would. But I must confess, my husband actually is cleaner than I am, so the clean bathroom stuff would not happen in my colony unless my man could join. :-)

  5. Thanks, OMwCW: Enjoyed your guest's post today. Familiar feelings...know JUST what she's talking about :) Males could never relate.

  6. oh Lady I am with you..I been singing that song for a long time..its part of my nature...were sistas on more levels than one..LOLOL..!

  7. Cute! You are so fun.


    Big squishy rolly stomach



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