Saturday, July 31, 2010

When Someone You Love Has A Blog...

This is Part I of a 3-Part Series covering  "Living with a Blogger."

DISCLAIMER:  My husband had nothing to do in any way with the  *inspiration* for this post. 


Loving someone who has a blog can be challenging, even confusing at times. There are so many elements of the unknown and unfamiliar, and you may feel at a loss as to what is happening to the one you chose, years ago.

Here, I have prepared a basic guide of how to speak to and understand your blogger loved one. My hope is to help you interpret various states of mind and behaviors of a blogger, so that you may provide the blogger you love with the in-real-life support and assurance they need.

Remember, the person you love is still in there, and they'd love to share their world with you. Be patient, and understand that the blogosphere they enter is entirely real, and actually does make them happier and more productive in the end. Though, bloggers don't measure "productive" in quite the same way as the rest of the world does, i.e., get to starred posts in Google Reader, check TweetDeck for Mentions, commit to at least five #FF, submit to McSweeney's. Again.

  • When your blogger asks, "how did you like my post today?" Do Not answer, "it was like an academy award speech, where they have to start the music up."  Not a good answer. Better answer? "I thought it was great."
  • When your blogger begins to speak of  people with names like "Mumtothree" and "HouseofMouse," do not ask her why in the world would grown women give themselves nicknames like that, instead say, "hmm...tell me who they are again." So much better.
  • Realize that your blogger's mood will become quite manic and hand wringingish if she has posted over an hour ago, and nary a comment has come in yet. Do NOT mention her agitation. Instead, be helpful and ask her if perhaps she has not hit the "allow comments" button under post options. This will make her feel better, and bless you for giving her hope. You're going straight up.
  • If the bloggy gods smile upon her and decide to bless her with upwards of ten comments! within an hour of posting, realize that she will cackle in frenzied delight, and may not be able to tear herself away from the screen at this time. Gently, without startling her, maintain a watch on her. This is a dangerous state of mind to enter and the household may go without food while she is in this whipped frenzy. Well, maybe not without food, but at least frozen chicken nuggets from dad.
  • If your blogger appears to be jumpy, nervous, and begins a new habit of chewing her thumbnails, gingerly prod for answers. This most likely is her first encounter with a "stalker." She will need to be held at this time, and be allowed to talk. Is there a warm baby she can hold? Coax any anxiety out of your loved one, and listen without wagging a finger in her face of how you told her that the internet world is a public world and she knew this when she got into this and now is not the time to act surprised when this type of thing happens when you let her know this possibility existed and of how....ahem, sorry - um, just be super nice to her at this time.
  • If your blogger suddenly gasps and bursts into tears after checking comments and reading a comment there, DO NOT ask her to repeat what she has just read. Please. It just made her burst into tears. Your blogger has just been "trolled." This is a delicate situation. Instead, kindly and lovingly pick her crumpled form up off the floor, then show you care by reading the comment for yourself.  Immediately afterward, announce in a firm voice that the world is full of IDIOTS and stupid people who wouldn't recognize good writing if it hit them in the head with a 2x4. Ask her to visualize this happening. Then tell her you neglected to let her know that you thought that her post today was the most brilliant thing she's ever written. Tonight would be a good night to offer take out. 
  • Do Not ask your blogger if she knows what her numbers are, how many new followers she has, what google analytics or sitemeter shows, and when she anticipates getting paid for the hours she puts in behind the keyboard. She is blogging for connection, not bucks. Realize this is her hobby, much like someone who spends time reading, or exercising, or any of the other things that normal people do.
  • Lord help you - Lord Help YOU - if your blogger discovers an unrequited bloggy love commenting on another site. Clearly, the blogger she's been crushing on knows how to use the "post a comment" button. Gather the children, and get out of the house. Now.
  • Do Not suggest that your blogger have T shirts made up of her site header for $5.00 each, and then sell them to her readers for $20.00 each and that "if she sells only five of them, then that's at least more money than she's made thus far from her blog. Which would be none."
  • Her online friends are real to her. Do not call them "invisible" because you do not see them. THEY.ARE.REAL.
Above everything (and that means this is the most important thing): remember that your beloved blogger needs tender care and understanding, like a goldfish. She puts herself out there everyday for viewing, judging, transparency, and vulnerability.

Takes cajones to do that. So, show her the love.

NEXT WEEK: Part II:  "Danger Signs to Watch For,"  followed by Part III:   "Pulling Your Blogger Back From The Brink." 

Blogging. It can happen to the best of us. 

127 comments:

  1. All I can say is .... your poor husband. (ha ha - mine too).

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  2. Perfection! Must print and provide to the husband.

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  3. this is fantastic! what a great post that is a must-read for all those who find themselves somehow attached (or married) to a blogger. LOVE. you're definitely get a mention in my shout outs this week. :)
    p.s. i'm a fellow 31dbbb-er ;)

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  4. Ha! I better have my husband read this! LOL

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  5. this was a wonderful acceptance speech, er...post. Hysterical.

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  6. What a GREAT and perfect post. I laughed out loud on the hand wringing if nary a comment has been made in an hour. That is SO true. My husband asked what i was laughing at, and then still just didn't get it. Amature!

    Oh, and clearly I have been remiss in reading here, 'cause you have a new cloudy, sky background and I enjoy it.

    The end.

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  7. You, my friend, are hilarious. Do you need an intervention? ;)

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  8. Interesting if only my other half would take an interest!

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  9. Excellent post - I found it very inspirational although I'm not married to a fellow blogger.
    Have a nice weekend;-)

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  10. HA! This was great. I have seen my brother wondering how blogging can be good.
    Smiles...

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  11. Aaaaaaahaha! How did you get into my house and watch my dramatics??

    I never ask my friends and family if they've read, because if they haven't I am crushed!

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  12. Exactly! Though I'd really like if my fragile emotional state wasn't tied to the amount of comments received.

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  13. This is fabulous! (Did you have a stalker? Because that might give me post-traumatic stress.)

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  14. This is great. I wonder how many of us feel the need to show it to our husbands?? Thanks for the snickers.

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  15. I loved this - you expressed everything perfectly! I think I'm going to have my husband read this!

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  16. I'm laughing here. Great post.

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  17. This totally cracked me up! And, ummm, a few of those items might have seemed a leeetle familiar...

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  18. so much easier doing this obsession together. ;)

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  19. Visiting from the LBS Tea Party and will definitely be back. I'm going to print your post "Living with a Blogger" for my husband. I'm also happy to see that you enjoy writing fiction, as do I. Annie Joy

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  20. This is just brilliant! I'm going to print this out and give it to my husband. They are all so true and I've seen myself in these...how do you do that? You're an excellent writer.

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  21. That was genius!
    I think I just woke up the rest of my house by laughing so loudly...
    thanks! A great way to start the day..

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  22. Well, you don't need to worry about THIS post...already 25 comments :)

    Great idea and so funny. My husband doesn't read my blog, but he sees all of my reactions and fallout. Will make him read this :)

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  23. I am definitely printing this out for my husband! Excellent post.

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  24. haha. love your list...so true...so you want to buy a tshirt?

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  25. that is hilarious. my husband never reads my blog. I think I'm glad about that.

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  26. I've been tempted to offer my kids dogfood when I'm busy on the blog. Don't call DFACS. I said "tempted."

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  27. Spot-on Empress. They should send this home in a care package for the families of BlogHer attendees.

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  28. LOVE IT! Showing it to the husband. And I'm SO not invisible. Can't you just FEEL my presence in your life? It's palpable, I'm sure.

    But seriously, my husband is so clueless about a blogger's life - and quite a bit resentful of the time it takes. Rules are still being established in our household...

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  29. This was really fun to read and all of it was so true. Really resonates! Well done. I would add, if there are no comments yet, go add some! :)

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  30. This list is so, so great! I laughed out loud at the "Momof3" and "HouseofMouse" one, and the cruel yet true comment/point made about selling t-shirts vs. making zero money with a blog!

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  31. You wrote this, yes, Alexandra, not your husband? I loved it! You are brilliant. You had me laughing in so many places, and my heart warmed at the end in the section about "invisible friends." Nicely done! I hope you get 20 comments within the first hour :-)

    And a great topic too!!

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  32. This is too, too funny. I love "Do not call her friends 'invisible'" -- and the part about not asking when she anticipates getting paid for the hours she puts in behind the keyboard.

    Just loved it, and am looking forward to the other 2!

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  33. I am so glad my hubby blogs. He was so into blogging a year before I started blogging. Then he stopped for awhile and blogs again now. We talk about the blogs we each visit but blogging isn't top of the list of interests. Yet.

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  34. Oh, this is so very true!

    P.S. I'm your newest follower...NOT a stalker or troller!

    Kate @ This Mom Loves

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  35. Wooo. That was a good one.

    You made me laugh.

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  36. Great list! Although my husband never reads my blog. He just knows I sit in front of the computer a lot and ignore him and also all the dirty dishes.

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  37. I love it! :) I need to print this, frame it and give it to my Hubby! :)

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  38. I love when husbands give their two cents via the blogger's minor editing. You've got us pegged Empress. Good to know our spouses offer the same unconditional support : )
    Dana

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  39. Kudo's to you, all these comments...and on a Saturday no less. Tell hubby how amazing that is in the blogging world! Your'e a Saturday Superstar!
    Dana

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  40. Amen!
    To all of the above!!
    i love this!!
    what a great series...
    i especially love the nicknames bloggers call themselves....lol.
    i mean Cluttered Brain? Really....heh-heh...

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  41. R U on Twitter?
    Am I following you yet on twitter?
    I must know.
    You crack me up.

    I am ClutteredBrain on Twitter.

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  42. Visiting the Kingdom from Lady Blogger's Society and I'm so glad I did.
    As someone who started blogging in April, I can't believe how completely sucked in I've become by this fantastic creative outlet and your post is SO spot on. I can't wait to read the follow ups.
    I feel kind of silly when i talk to my husband about people called 'scary mommy', but he's been pretty understanding thus far. I know he tries to share my excitement, but he doesn't participate in social media so I can tell it's a little hard for him to appreciate the value of a RT. haha
    Anyway, I hope I have entry into the kingdom, because I'm following you girl!

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  43. Love them, though I think all of them could end with ..."this would be a good night to offer take out". Looking forward to the rest of the series.

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  44. This is just absolute perfection, Empress! And I never realized we had the same husband. I'm going to have to print this out, so he finally, finally understands.

    Great job!

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  45. http://crazymamaponderings.blogspot.com/2010/07/do-you-ever-feel-like.html

    I blogged about this post. I love this!!! You are so inspired to write this!!!
    Thank YOU! I shared it on my fan page AND my Tweepy friends...:)

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  46. I laughed so hard! I probably bore the hell out of my boyfriend as much as I talk about my blog and with how much time I spend commenting on other blogs and replying to comments on mine.

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  47. This was fantastic!! Empress, I loved this! We need to print this out and distribute to all we know. Seriously! Waiting for more. :)

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  48. I am SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO thrilled you addressed the whole 'invisible thing'. Royally pisses me off. YOU.ARE.REAL! Just as real as I am...we breathe, eat, drink, fart....sheesh.

    Great list of tips to be sure! Of course, you are assuming that the nonblogging significant other really gives a rat's bunghole.

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  49. Oh I laughed and then...I related. My poor hubs says he's going to have to read my blog more so he'll know what's going on.
    I was pretty upset when I saw my unrequited bloggy love commenting on other sites that were OF COURSE not as full of the funny as mine. It wasn't her, it was me.

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  50. This was pure perfection! A post every new blogger needs to save for his/her spouse.

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  51. Ha Ha! I really don't see the issues though? Seems perfectly normal to me. I will be forwarding this on to my husband. I believe this should be in the textbook of blogging, if there ever was a textbook of blogging. Probably not, though, since a textbook isn't on line.

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  52. My husband needs to read this. After he pries my cold dead fingers from the keyboard. (I've been away from blogland for too long, withdrawal setting in...)

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  53. Oh my... 20 comments in an hour? I do believe I would pass out. Yes. I would pass out.

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  54. This was so funny that I had to read it out loud to my husband. You are an inspiration, Alexandra!

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  55. I read this earlier today and laughed so hard, because so much of it is true!!! :)
    (thanks for commenting just now, reminding me to get my butt back over here and let you know how much I loved this post!)

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  56. This was so funny that I had to read out loud to my husband. You are a blogging inspiration!

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  57. If you meet a man who can adhere to this list, I'd like to meet him!

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  58. "Lord help you if she discovers an unrequited bloggy love commenting on other sites."

    This is brilliant. I have had this exact train of thought and then told myself I was being obsessive. Thank you for letting me know I am not, and thank you for making me laugh so much.

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  59. Love these! I just read these to my husband and we were cracking up!:) Thank you for providing him with this. Maybe there should be a support gorup:)

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  60. LOVE this Empress! Perfectly stated. I'm going to print it and put it on my fridge :)
    oxoxox
    Denalee

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  61. This is awesome! I laughed out loud! Poor poor hubbies!! lol..

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  62. Oh my goodness...I laughed so hard I almost peed. Thanks for sharing these awesome revelations with all of us so we don't feel so along or insane in the "blogging world".

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  63. roflmbo.. damn I could sell tshirts?? WTH why did no one tell me.. I can envision them now.. My head on fire.. crap

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  64. Brilliant! Will definitely have to print this out and let Mr. husband read it hahahaha. Love it!

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  65. OMG, this is pretty funny! Loved the second last one, LOL! ha!

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  66. Great post...my husband has no idea about blogging. He finds the whole thing bizarre, he'll ask questions like "well who are these people that read your blog" or " why do you want to write about this or that". Some day..hopefully, he'll get it!!

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  67. This was fabulous comedic genius, and also...frightening to a newbie. Wait -- think I just saw someone outside my window darting behind a bush...must run~

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  68. Awesome post and so so so true! Love it.
    xoxo,t

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  69. Hahahaha! I love it!
    I'm rather new to the whole thing myself, but I do admit that blogging has become a necessary diversion since I don't knit, don't crochet, couldn't be bothered to bake, and have no intentions of scrapbooking. Blogging is both my escape, my refuge, my playground and sometimes the biggest pain in my a**, so I will keep on writing. Thanks for the validation! ;)

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  70. Hahaha. I love it. You are brilliant. Seriously brilliant. My whole family needs to read this, haha. The only thing you forgot to mention was: If your beloved blogger is up and cleaning the house during a time they would normally be blogging, that is a clear indication that said blogging world is dead and she needs to be resusitated immediately, and a fibrolater may be needed.

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  71. What a creative and painfully true post my Queen. You crack me up. You crack a lot of us up. Brilliant stuff. And the stalker things is frighteningly real. Just got an e-mail from a neighbor mentioning my blog. I don't tell my neighbors I have a blog. They don't even have my e-mail address. Was a nice complement, and I like my neighbors. who else can figure out who I am? Yikes!

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  72. Well done! This should be engraved and hung above the computer stations of all bloggers. I hope the day treats you well. Blessings...Mary

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  73. This is hilarious!

    My husband doesn't read my blog. The only thing he ever asks me about is #s types of things- and since he doesn't read blogs or "get it," those numbers don't mean anyhing to him.

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  74. Well, judging by the amount of comments you have here, we won't find you curled up in a ball somewhere :)

    You are fabulous and this was an amazing post. I will print this out and hand this to potential suitors. I guess they should know what they're in for, right? ;)

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  75. This is fantastic! Instead of trying unsuccessfully to explain I'm just going to show people this post :)

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  76. javadog here: this was awesome. Now I know why you're too busy to see me! Still, could you make some time?

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  77. I don't have any family that blog, but your advice is spot on!

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  78. You're hysterical. Husbands just don't get blogging. HA!

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  79. Love this! Very funny AND informative.

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  80. I could not have said it better myself! You are hilarious!

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  81. I love a great Public Service Announcement, especially when it's all about me, Me, ME.
    (And possibly others.
    xoxoxo

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  82. So, I could have reeaaaallly used you in my living room last week when Husband and I had "the talk" about my blogging obsession, um, hobby. =>

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  83. And above all else... do NOT honk your blogger off.. lest you become fodder for the next days topic.

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  84. Love this!
    Why must they refer to our friends as invisible?

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  85. In my next life, I'm coming back as you. Twenty comments in an hour? Seriously, that happens? And stalkers? Where can I get one? Please give lessons...I am not worthy I am not worthy...

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  86. I am emailing this to my husband! I cannot wait to read Part 2!

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  87. I could not have said this better myself! Will definitely be printing this out for Mr. Man :o). As always thanks for the very much needed laugh.

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  88. Hilarious! Good start to my morning! :-)

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  89. My husband need to read this, for sure! LOL

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  90. This is hilarious. I think I will email it to Mungee's Pa.

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  91. Alexandra, this is all so true... except the part about 20 comments in an hour (for me, not you). Must be nice to be a superstar...

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  92. Spot on! Thank you so much for your clever, funny blog.

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  93. love that post. I'm going to make my hubby read it!

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  94. god, there is so much to love in this post. how dare you get into the minds of virtually everyone out here??
    your writing is at its best full of exuberance, like here. and you're at your best so darn often it's enough to make one a little jealous:)

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  95. This is great! You have a major knack for this!

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  96. This was genius!!! I may actually have to print this out and highlight some sections for a certain someone in my life.

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  97. I am late to this party---fortunately Alexes sent me over for this gem. Thinking my hubs needs to read it immediately!!! Fantastic!

    MWAH to you, well done!

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  98. I am SO printing this off and making my husband read it!!! Hilarious and so so true!!

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  99. How the hell did I miss this???? This was wildly funny and too true. Oh Em Gee! Still chuckling. Now off to read Part Deux!

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  100. This was awesome. I just didn't know that you've been watching what's happening in my house...The Engineer just doesn't get it. Sigh. But you do! {{{{blog love}}}}

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  101. Hysterical. And like I said after part 2...not that I know anyone like this... :-)

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  102. SO ture and SO fantastic!!! You are brilliant!

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  103. WOW, how could there be more...this is FANTASTIC :)
    I'm printing it and taping it to the desk in the office. :)

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  104. THIS IS AWESOME! We need printed booklets of this series to be given out at BlogHer and stuff. I would show it to my husband but that man only reads words PRINTED on PAPER! Ugh. So 20th century.

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  105. This is hilarious! Especially the part about not calling her friends invisible. My husband did that once....but never again! bwahhahaha ;-)

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  106. I'm visiting from The Girl Next Door contest and just had to say, this is so true!

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  107. I love that I found you....muwhaaaaaa. I think that I'm going to print this out and post it outside my "blog zone" for my husband to read. Or I should just post a picture of him in his skivies drooling and snoring up a storm on my blog because he doesn't read it...that'll get him!

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  108. I laughed so hard when I read this the first time around and I am so happy to read it again.

    You totally hit the nail on the head. Wonderful!

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  109. Very interesting post. I really don't look at it mush from my husband's point of view. Funny though, he used to say "Are you doing that blog thing"? And just recently he asked " Can you show my how to blog". :)

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  110. I think I had to scroll for 5 minutes till I could get down here to leave a comment. You must have almost blown up. Loved this. So funny and spot on for many. Probably not me, but many others

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  111. Just voted for you at BlogHer.

    Hope you get it.

    This is so good, and I don't even blog.

    I love you.

    Candace

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  112. I'll let you in on a secret.. my husband misses my blogging... now he has my full attention (well, thinks he does) and it makes him a little squirmy ;) .... you have always been a favorite, love you and your blog, truly! (voted for you, duh)

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  113. ^ pretty sure you hit the "allow comments" button ;)

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  114. My husband always says, "It's cute." Then he tells me he's not going to be my "Yes Mme." UGH I used to write for a newspaper and got more compliments from perfect strangers!

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  115. Make this a People's Choice for BlogHer'11..so that the WORLD may understand, what it is, to be a BLOGGER.

    Go, vote, now..THANK YOU!

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  116. Wow. This is Amazing. Thank you. :-)

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  117. All I can say is this is my first visit to your blog and I might be a teeny bit in love with you. You might be a kindred spirit. This is the funniest (terrifyingly accurate) blogger sum-up I've ever read. Please let me share this with the entire.freaking.world.

    And my husband. At which point I will expect him to laugh in all of the right places, and nod sympathetically. With me. Not with your husband.

    Seriously awesome.

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  118. Absolutely brilliant! Must give it to boatman to read.

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  119. *weeping softly* Brilliant and touching, as always - just wish I had the nerve to even expose my hobby/passion to my loved ones. It can be a very lonely road, yes? I have a lot to learn!

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  120. Just stumbled over. So true and so hilarious!

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  121. It's late at night and instead of going to bed I'm sitting here laughing out loud reading your posts! Thank you for the levity...

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  122. OMG, Yes. YES. LMAO @ House of Mouse. I loved reading this again (even found my old comment where I said I would give this to potential suitors). Love everything about this.

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