Too many crimes of this type being committed.
On really nice women.
Today, I spotted 5 within 3 minutes. That's one sighting every 36 seconds.
Finally, this week, on someone who shops at our neighborhood grocery store.
|Lady Poncho at the grocery store Monday|
Poncho Wearing Crimes.
I have never brought up a controversial topic on my site: but this. This is something I can no longer stand by and watch well intentioned women do to themselves.
Oh, they want this look to work; I see the hope in their eyes. It is their genuine puppy like eagerness to fashion please that has me using my blog today for the public good.
Poncho sins no mo'. Dear shrug wearing sister, take note: lest you become a victim of a carnivorous blanket. Or, worse yet: an unaware member of the dishrag wearing movement. Here is everything you need to know about the wearing of this garment that also graced the bodies of Andean beauties.
Poncho Wearing 101
1. Keep your look balanced. BIG poncho? You need slim bottoms: leggings, skinny jeans, straight lined skirts. Anything but the triple tiered Ma Ingalls.
2. Your poncho should be no shorter in length than the bottom of a properly supported breast. Otherwise you have a capelet. And that's a whole nuther story.
3. Your poncho should be no longer in length than fingertips. Also, you must be 5 ft 7 or taller. If you're shorter than that, proceed with caution. Not a bad idea to stay home and grow tonight -- you could be inches away from the cape wearing horror of impersonating a SuperHero.
4. Please wear something underneath your poncho. I know the expression is "I love them! You just throw them on!" But not every day is Lazy Sunday.
5. Life is too short to wear a beige poncho.
6. One Size Fits All does not really mean that. Learn to say no to the strangling poncho.
7. Sweatpants are not allowed under a poncho. It's an actual law.
8. When having your own poncho day, avoid gaggles/murmurs of other poncho wearing women. You don't want to look like you just stepped off a ladies' club tour bus.
9. The poncho is a fashion accessory. That being said, don't accessorize your accessory with another accessory, i.e., no big knotty pom-pommed scarves tied around your poncho wearing neck.
10. You must switch to a slim bag when you wear your poncho. Carrying an airline approved legal carry on Guess bag under your poncho will transform you into The Elephant Man.
Wearing a poncho is a decision that requires respect for the garment.
Still see it as just a cavalier fashion fad?
Tell that to this lady.
|The Prison Poncho aka "The Great S'Cape"|
The poncho: wrestle it to the ground and stick a flag in it.
Next on SVU fashion crimes: The Jeggings Jihad