Friday, November 30, 2012

LIM: SOC for The Rest of Us



photo credit: Steve took it via photopin cc

Friday night, and just like I'm having to declutter and make way for the new Christmas presents coming our way, it's the same doing with a weekly brain cleanse.

The LIM, Loose Inner Monologue brain dump--since I'm too chicken for a brain drill. I've set aside Friday night as the night I just let it all out and make room for the new crazy. My thoughts aren't sophisticated or linear enough for a civil Stream of Consciousness, so I've got my own blog space here to hang it up to dry.

The role of blogging as a mental health tool is seriously overlooked.

My third LIM, loose inner monologue, right here, where it belongs--out into the universe and out of my packed head.

This Week's LIM, Loose Inner Monologue: because streaming thoughts? Not so much. More like a karate chop response to my immediate environment.

Is it menopause? Is it perimenopause? Is it tomandjerrykatyperrypause? I don't know, but all I can do lately is wish for the days I once had and wonder where the heck time goes and look at my kids whose faces still look like this to me ...
... and try and figure out why I have to look up when I talk to them. My God but they were beautiful.

And oh oh oh but everything is a trigger lately. Seriously. I had to hold it together at the supermarket this morning when Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast came on. You know how hard it is to shop for kids with food allergies because you have to read labels and you can't even read the ingredients because your eyes are blurry with katyperrymenopausal tears because "Daddy? Don't you walk so fast!" came on?

Triggers everywhere. I can't even go grocery shopping now? What the? I can't see a Froot Loops, or an Apple Jacks, or their once favorite: Cheerios.

Grocery store music kills me. Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast kills me. I remember when they were so little and now they're teenagers. Late teenagers. How could they be teenagers already?

I can't believe I'm not the mother of little kids anymore. We used to go through Costco loads of Cheerios. We'd make Cheerios necklaces with red licorice shoestrings. Now there's a fun way to live, with a snack around your neck 24/7.

I can't believe what a caricature of a weepy-eyed mother I've become. Barely holding it together while I make it through the cereal aisle. Sheesh. just make it out of the store in one piece, woman, and pray no one you know sees you huddled on the floor wailing "Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??" while clutching a box of Cheerios to your chest. 

And just when I put the Cheerios back and think I'll make it out of Aisle 5 safely, I spy ohmygod THE FROOT LOOPS. They used to LOVE Froot Loops. We learned how to sort according to color with Froot Loops.

Why, why, why you got to be like that, Father Time?

You know, if this supermarket was smart, they'd wanna keep me in here longer because I am a shopping kind of gal. If they put on some naughty Justin Bieber singing to this middle aged mama all about "If I Was Your Boyfriend," they'd be getting a lot bigger chunk of my husband's change. All spent in Aisle 7, Health and Beauty. New hair dye? Justin's makin' me feel it. In the cart. Is this red lipstick too dark for a woman of certain years? Mama don't think so. Toss it in. Ooooh, extra lengthening fibers mascara Super Lash in blackest black? I think two will do. One for my place, one for Justin's.

Who pays these store music people? Because this place is getting ripped off. I'd show them how to get someone to open their purse like a parting of the red sea.

***
 


Have a mind that's more choppy than streamy? I invite you to write up your own Loose Inner Monologue post. Leave your link here. Admit it--just the mention of a brain dump and your thoughts are all jamming the aisle, like the last chopper out of Vietnam.

"One at a time, thoughts, one at a time ..."  



30 comments:

  1. There's one good thing about your kids growing up... grandchildren. Other than that, I'll cry with you.

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  2. When you find the time thief, let me know. Some butt kicking is in order.

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    1. Time Thief. Totally stealing that. Love you, A.

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  3. haha....they need to learn a thing or two from disney...set the scene with the music...put some of those scent things they use at the magic kingdom to make you hungry before seeing a snack stand....smiles...sorry you are missing your little ones....we are out of the cheerios phase as well...

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    1. See, B? You get it. As they do it now, I rush out of there before my first coat of mascara starts to run.

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  4. I have an emotional connection to cereal ever since I was ranting about finding Cheerios everywhere and my husband reminded me that it will not always be so. Ever since I have looked at them differently; I don't want to let go of the Cheerios.

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    1. I know, cereal love.

      It's the real thing.

      xo
      Its's so nice when other people get it.

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  5. Oh Alex! I bought an elf on the shelf this year because if I tried to pass it by again, I would be reduced to a bawling mess that my kids were too old for such fun. I bought the new Pop version...as if somehow that would make it more hip. I am waiting for them to come downstairs right now...I hope somebody smiles!

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    1. And the advent calendars!! Don't forget the advent calendars.

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  6. Those babies up there are so adorable.
    This peek inside your mind is so relatable. I'm a tall Mama so I only have to look up to one kid, but still, I am amazed at what can trigger me. Just dropping my son off at basketball last night and watching him stroll through the door on his long, hairy legs was a tearjerker for me. I just remind myself that we are the lucky ones, the ones who get to see these babies, our babies, grow into young adults.

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    1. Right, Shannon? Your beautiful girl is 16. How if we could have just ONE DAY BACk, of playing trains with them on the floor.

      xo Happy weekend, dear lady. xo

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  8. Oh, I am bracing for the day!! Though, to be honest, I am already getting triggers and my kid is only 8. I know the time will only fly, because I've already been a mother for 8 years; the next 8 are only going to fly by even faster. I hate it. Just hate it, so I can only imagine what you are going through.

    Your boys really are stunning.

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  9. Man, this is some good stream! Why I have to look up to talk to them. That got me...

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  11. Had to reinstall word verification-- SORRY ALL-- but the spam comments were coming in like ten a day.

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  14. So funny. And I want to wear my snack around my neck so badly now.

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  15. Since my kids are still very small, allow me to remind you of the following:
    1) pee everywhere
    2)NO!! NO!!! NOOOOOOO!
    3)I don't WANNA eat it! I DON'T LIKE IT ALL THE TIME!!!
    4) Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama?
    Mama? Mama?
    Mama? (------silent SCREAM------)
    5) picking up a raisin. Sniffing it. Just to make sure it's not poo.

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  16. My favorite is the fun way to live with a snack around your neck 24/7. :-)

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  17. Great pictures.

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  18. i can only imagine how you feel... about the boys and grocery shopping, i.e. Cheerios. it breaks my heart...


    i remember how sweet; how little they were... i can almost smell Xave's little head resting on my shoulder,..i can almost feel the tremble of Alec's two-year old body when Mark put the the vacuum away...
    oh so sweet, oh so gentle, and it only seems like yesterday...
    those memories are ours...
    they will always be there,..tugging on our hearts.
    alec & xaves are probably the closest i've experienced to sons of my own.


    love you.
    shed those tears. ..because they are beautiful!
    -a

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  20. That photo of your children is just wonderful.

    They're incredibly beautiful.

    Just like their Mama.

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  21. I wish that my son loved Cheerios. I've got him hooked onto Lucky Charms.
    I think we may need to stage an intervention

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  22. I already cry from nostalgia everyday and my daughter is only 4. I try to remember every moment for this exact reason. I'm pretty sure I'll be dehydrated when I'm an empty nester :)

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  23. "The role of blogging as a mental health tool is seriously overlooked." I see it used in beautiful ways for lifting up others! I am glad you are here. Your kids ARE beautiful, I guess that was a while ago, but really cute photo!

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  24. Arg. I'll be right there on the grocery store floor with you, clutching Cheerios to my chest.

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  25. Raising children takes you through phases, where one item seems to magically reproduce and be everywhere in the house and car. Around here, the cheerios phase, then the legos phase, then the braces runner bands phase, then the guitar pick phase.

    I miss the little boys, snuggled up in my lap. But oh, I love those nearly-men, who smiled down at me and pat me on the head when they walk by.

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