Thursday, January 20, 2011

I Have Grown Tired Of The Taunting

Oh, look, the beautiful Cheryl cavorting OUTSIDE in December, how delightful. And sleeveless, no less


And the ever so sweet AshatShades telling of the 70 degree weather in Texas. Did she mention the blue sky?


And, lookahere, who's so eager to tell of OUTDOOR WINE TOURS, PEOPLE! In January!


I've had it.

Done.

In my face, no more. Not in my house. Oh, oh......and? oh.

I am bringing it. I don't care if it's already done been brung by you.

I.am.bringing it.

So, in your face with the weather taunts...here you go. Some weather slinging your way...

Uh-huh. Jealous?

Booyah!
Don't hate me cuz I live here
Once again, for effect.

This could be you-- if you were man enough
You can't handle this



This is how they found me. After I didn't return from getting the mail.

Hmmmmm....seems to me that for someone to be able to not just survive but thrive under these conditions, she'd have to be a pretty hot blooded mama, don't you think? I mean...right? Stands to reason.

Ergo, we all now know why I'm here, and you taunters are there...the scorching sizzling hotness that is me, keeps me warm and toasty (no complaints about how cold it is brrrr....from the emperor, either)

And, so...taunt away, mamas. I have made my point.

Love you, guys.

Did this post fool you under the guise of bravado?

Naaah?

....didn't think so.

I am soooo so so so stinkin' jealous of you all.

xo

86 comments:

  1. I so hate the cold. Though, I did grow up in it. And lived in Rochester, NY during their worst winter ever...which is saying a lot.

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  2. I LOVE that you put the crazy falling man twice "for effect." You are hilarious. And, one with the snow.

    Who needs temperatures above zero, I ask? Only the tan and frail...

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  3. Today I drove 40 miles through snow and sleet with only a 6" porthole of clear glass to see through on my frozen windshield. Also, my furnace stopped working yesterday as the windchill hit -20.

    Then, later, I saw a car from Florida, and thought, "Clearly the gentleman is hopelessly lost. Poor fellow, alone here in the Canadian tundra (Toronto.)" Then he waved a tanned arm and smiled with the glow of one who is warm 11 months of the year.

    So I ran him over.

    No; no, I didn't. I hear they like to sue.

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  4. This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I am dying. DYING!

    Please come visit! I will throw leaves at you too! We can cavort together and it will be lovely!

    I grew up in Connecticut, btw, and also lived in Upstate New York when we got 130 inches of snow one winter. I did my time! I so did!

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  5. Very litigious down here in Florida, its all that sun has addled the brain. If it makes you feel better it has poured tonight ... but it was 75 and sunny prior. Anyway, my point is if you need to thaw - I'd love to have you!

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  6. We had close to a foot dumped over where we live. I'm flaming hot mad.

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  7. NO.WAY. No way that I could EVER live there. None.

    I would love to come and visit you someday...during the summer. That would be nice.

    xoxoxo

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  8. You want the SNOW? You can't HANDLE the SNOW!

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  9. Oh now it's only suppose to get down to -22 actual temperature in my neighborhood tonight. We tough ones over in Minnesota LOVE the cold. We take a lot of drugs...but we LOVE the cold. BOOYAH baby!

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  10. Oh, thank you for this. I live in a state where there is perpetual drizzle and downpour. But after reading this? It doesn't make me quite so despondent about the rain. At least we don't have to shovel the stuff.

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  11. snort...umm...actually i would not mind the snow as long as i can have a snow ball fight, build a fort...ya know...

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  12. Last picture? Yeah, that's me burying my husband er,...I mean, making an igloo. And so,..I do love the snow. -20 to -25 degree windchill tonight? Not so much. They will find me in the garage with a cigarette frozen to my lips.

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  13. Come here! Come here! Come here! Come here! Come here!

    Was I too vague??

    Come HERE!! HERE HERE HERE HERE!

    (And now I'm channeling Bill Cosby.)

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  14. God for just one moment there, I found myself feeling like one hot mama to be able to survive and thrive under these snow and ice weather conditions. . . until I realized, I have to get out in that stuff again early in the morning!

    YUCK!

    I do love this post!

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  15. Oh, sooooo cold....Empress, I couldn't stand it! Hubs just got home from your neck of the woods and he's pretty tough....and he said it was horrid cold.

    We "froze" last week with daytime temps in the high 40's. Today I think we hit 72.

    Sorry. Please come visit!

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  16. Oh my word. I'm laughing!! Hard. And you know I needed that.

    I'll be the first to admit it, I couldn't handle it. At all. I'm sick to death of getting kids in coats, trying to get carseats buckled, losing gloves. Sick of it.

    And that's only because we finally dipped into the 40s.

    You want to bring it, chica? Come down here in August. I'd love to hear your hot mama fanny sizzle in 110 :)

    Love you.

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  17. We are hot mamas in Wisconsin, that's for sure! Where else does 20 degrees sound like a heat wave? After tonight's below zero digits it will come Sunday. And then I might even wear just a sweatshirt to church. Booyah!

    Enjoy the day!
    Erin

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  18. Wimps! Wimps! All of you! I lurve winter so very very much. My leg hair is fully grown out and my belly rolls are hidden under layers of fleece. Jealous?

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  19. It's probably all my fault, with my goal to try to destroy the earth and all. Mother Nature is punishing us. I also blame Mario Lopez.

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  20. I would share my Florida warmth with you anytime.

    ...and yes, I realize that just saying that is kind of like a taunt. Sorry.

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  21. Yes, Empress, please come see us, pretty please. Yes, 70's today, pure bliss.
    Excuse me while I go pick some oranges.

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  22. It does not snow where I live. But the winters are no less good either... But the sun is out today and it is warm and nice. I could use a tan. SO here I lay in the sun, with a sunscreen, and a book... Oh! BTW you are very much welcome... :-D

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  23. Booyah! It's snowing here again! Ice underneath! Big honkin' plow-piles obscure everything including the moon! We are so all that we're almost unbearable!

    Exclamation point stuckitis!

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  24. The one of the man falling is just perfect!! We have had your kind of weather here off and on so you won't get any taunts from me! Jen

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  25. YEAH! What The Empress Said!

    Although, after a long weekend in AZ, I was practically clinging to cacti in an attempt to stay just a bit longer at the outlaws' -er- inlaws'.

    We're fools.

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  26. Not only the cold has confined me this week, but my daughter's cold from hell. I. Am. Going. Crazy.

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  27. You really follow some great blogs. Thanks for all the leads (sigh) ... like I need more to read :))

    Dare I say that we were in shorts and flip flops last week. Although I must admit that the Santa Ana winds started blowing two nights ago and today I get to skim out half a ton of debris from the bottom of the pool.

    Come and visit ... you all could use us in CA as your winter home and go back to WI for the beautiful summers ...

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  28. You tell 'em! We don't need their stinking sunshine and balmy temps. We have ice...and snow...and frostbite...and grumpy kids who've been home from school for a week.

    PS I linked you in today's post.

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  29. I love it! I was going to post a picture of a camellia blooming in my yard for all of those stuck in snow to enjoy but now I don't have the heart for it because you already know....I am utterly, completely jealous!

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  30. We're just back from a Disney cruise, and my daughter's happy. She missed the snow. Did I raise her wrong?

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  31. I saw Cheryl's post and instantly was jealous! She is in a sleeveless shirt in the winter, oh my how I wish. I'm w/you...I have snow and I am OVER it! Here's to hoping that spring shows up sooner than later!

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  32. I hear you! We're in Indiana and it's -3 today! Yikes! I'm reminded of a Ron White sketch where he is on tour and in an RV someplace north in the US. His wife says "What's the temperature?" He looks and it says 0. He replies "There isn't one! Apparently this place doesn't HAVE a temperature." (Or something similar to that!)

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  33. Dude! That picture of the man with the umbrella is pure gold!

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  34. Man, now I feel bad - where I live it is both cold and snow-less. I'm the ultimate outcast!

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  35. Thanks, SnuggleWasteland...I'll be right over. xo

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  36. I hate the cold. Can't say it enough. I really really hate the cold. I moved to Virginia, thinking it would be warmer here than NY. Stupid global warming, taunting me. We don't have that kind of snow, but I am REALLY sick of the cold. I hate winter.

    I had a friend COMPLAINING about 80 degree weather in Florida. I could have hung him.

    So jealous.

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  37. Good thing I don't send you pics of Samoa.

    And those pics? Make me feel terrible for complaining about our "snow storm" - it snowed 1-3"

    xoxo

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  38. I'm in tears over here. This made me laugh til it hurt. And I'm one of the lucky, snowy people too. We're just stronger than those warm weather WIMPS!

    Literally. Stronger. From all the shoveling.

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  39. This post really made me laugh.

    Are you being good an avoiding coffee? I'm fasting it right now and really struggling. That's how I usually deal with weather like that. (and the January blues I have right now).

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  40. hehe - you're right, I couldn't handle that!

    I love the twice for effect photo the best...

    ...and for the record - the photos up on my blog WERE taken this week... and though there is a lack of snow in them, you can pretend that the bitter wind is blowing like crazy even though that doesn't show up in the photo :)

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  41. I'll take your cold and snow and raise you -19 and blizzards! Cuz I'm the queen of cold and crap around these parts.

    Yes, you are the Empress, but I'm the QUEEN! Well, in my head anyway. Okay okay, you are the Empress and that trumps all.

    But it is freekin' cold here right now. It's just about noon right now and it's a balmy -6. Whooo ha!

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  42. Please. just move! nearer to all of us!!!

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  43. This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday -
    http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2011/1/21/five-star-fridays-135th-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-albert.html

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  44. I have a fully appointed guest room with your name on it!
    Come see me!

    Does it make you feel any better if I tell you that I lived in Maine for 21 years? 21 years, I tell you! (repeated for effect.)

    Come visit!!!

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  45. I don't know how I missed this post?!

    Anyway, you are hilarious Alexandra!! LOVE this post!! and the pics! I grew up in Boston (no comparison with WI though, I know)so I feel for you, and those photos definitely bring back memories. Those winters build character without doubt. It's amazing what a difference climate can make on so many levels. But always, you're so full of warmth and cheer - I'd think you were in the sunny Carribean :-)

    Have a nice weekend from the southeast, where it's sunny, windy, and in the 30s...

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  46. I just keep telling myself through my chattering t-t-t-teeth that those people in the warm and sunny places have bugs to contend with. No bugs out here in the frozen tundra. At least we have that going for us.

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  47. Oh my gosh, that is HILARIOUS!!! Booyah!!! LOL'ing for reals.

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  48. Thanks for the big laughs! I loved it!

    No way could I handle it. I felt pretty tough running this morning when it was 29 degrees and clear...but I know that's nothing!

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  49. Haha. It never snows here. Still, I'm so ready for spring I can't stand it. I need sun!

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  50. Too funny! We got more snow last night and our high tomorrow might hit 20... and they are saying we have the possibility for another bigger storm Tues.

    I say- bring it! :D I can hunker down with the best of 'em!

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  51. LMAO. That was funny. Only because I used to live in Minnesota and now live in Wyoming for the last 37 years. Sigh. Sympathies. :)

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  52. Yea, I've 'bout had it with the snow in NY/NJ. That guy with the suticase? Was me like three times this morning on my commute. It was awesome.

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  53. I lived in that weather for 6 years (in Syracuse for 2, which last I checked is #1 in snowfall each year) and I was constantly taunted by my father in San Diego. When I moved back to NorCal you think I would have remembered how it felt to be the cold, frozen one. Nope, it took one winter of being home before I started laughing at my snowed-in friends/fam.

    I won't tell you about the sun and 65 degrees we're having, because I heard it was 80 in LA recently.

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  54. It's supposed to be in the teens here, but no snow at least

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  55. Yep, I'm sitting in my recliner looking out at our not as much snow as you have. It's 14 degrees, 7 with windchill.
    But I'd feel lost without winter.

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  56. the snow has melted but it's still cold. so much for living in the freaking south.

    hispanic girls weren't made for this crap.

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  57. Huh. I guess if I was to come there, I'd have to buy a warm coat.

    I can't remember the last time I owned a real coat. Probably my mom bought it for me so I could go skiing when I was a teenager. Once, when I was in my twenties, I went to Wyoming during the winter and I had to borrow something when I got there. Here? Sweaters and light jackets are plenty.

    I like it like that!

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  58. Schmutzie: that is an honor of the highest order. I am beyond flattered. Thank you

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  59. I am right there freezing my nipples off with you. Of court I'm in Canada so insert polar bear joke here.
    I want to vom when I see pictures of sun. I can't even remember what it looks like.

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  60. To make you feel a bit toasty by comparison, read the post I read just before yours: http://wrestlingwithretirement.com from 1/21/11 -- Cold is Relative

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  61. What??? No picture of the themometer reading -10 from this morning??? (And THAT didn't even take into account the wind chill!)

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  62. Sheesh, you don't have to tell me sister, I AM CANADIAN! And as such, I will be hitting the road in a balmy (in Canadian speak) -30 degrees with the wind chill, traversing what we affectionately refer to as "the snow belt", to cross the border in to the equally balmy State of New York, alone with 4 kids, where I will then have the absolute privilege of paying to park my car in an outdoor surface lot for 3 days in said weather at my overly expensive hotel that doesn't provide a parking garage. My dear Empress...you...me....Margaritaville baby! My birthday is coming....not that we need an excuse... xo

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  63. I hate to make it worse, but the weather today is going to be sunny and glorious. We are having a bit of a cold snap, though. Highs in the 50s.

    Sorry. Truly I am. You can visit whenever you like. We don't even own a shovel.

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  64. Just saw you on Five Star Friday! So proud! (that's my idea of the big leagues sister, great writing!)

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  65. Awww..thanks so much, Mombshell!! I miss you. Can't you just get rich and stay home???

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  66. I feel your pain being a upper midwest girl myself. The snow is drastic suckiness. The cold is painful crappiness. Winter, in general, is just horrid.

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  67. Getting ready for storm number 4 here on Boston. I keep running out of wine every few days - I wonder why?

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  68. I feel ya. We are having a freezing winter. The kids keep getting all excited about snow days, though.
    Oh yeah, and yesterday, Hannah threw water on the "fire". Which is really a gas fireplace. The glass shattered into a million pieces.
    It is really cold in here today.
    REALLY COLD.
    Yay.

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  69. oh don't say that !! we in the middle east year to see a bit of snow... or at-least hail.. actually, even a bit of rain will do.. :D

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  70. You can come to Austin any time. We have TexMex and no snow. So get here, now!

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  71. So needed this one today. Thanks lady. Really. NEGATIVE 16 degrees here this week. Yowza!!

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  72. Its very very cold here (Ontario Canada) but... I wouldn't trade it! Thank you for this post!

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  73. Our remote temperature gauge which we lovingly call "weather boy" registered -4 degrees this morning.

    I went out and made a naked snow angel.

    Not really.

    But I'm a tough hotty too. Totally.

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  74. Empress, you are a rare gem! I think you did a great job with your bravado, too!

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  75. "Booyah!" I think that's my favorite part. You make me laugh, I love it! Stay warm out there mamacita. XO

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  76. This was the only thing that could make me laugh in this cold and snow!

    I wish I had a magic carpet for us Alex...a HEATED magic carpet this is.

    (-:

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  77. LOL-that was great. And because I don't want you to start throwing things at me, I won't tell you I wore short sleeves today. *runs for cover*

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  78. That was hilarious. I may not have the snow (we've only had a week of it so far), but the rain, the clouds, the gloom. I'm done! Last week I thought I was going to need a boat to get to work. I'm totally jealous of the sunny peeps! ;-)
    -Ally

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  79. Once again, for effect - that is too funny. I really don't know how you do it in Wisconsin. I really, really don't.

    ps - I won't mention that it's 65 degrees here. Because that would be mean.

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  80. YEAH! Thumbing my nose here from Chicago! There is a 3-inch layer of perma frost at the bottom of our driveway.

    Go BIG OR GO HOME! I shout!

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  81. Ha! I'm totally with you from up here in Minnesota!

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  82. No way in hell would I go near that stuff! Well... I'm tired from tanning all day. Good night!

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  83. OMG that picture of you is classic! And not to rub it in, but um...it's supposed to be 70 here this weekend. *cue evil laugh* Mwahahaahaha!

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  84. Seeing as we're having a blizzard right now, I can totally relate. It's so bad that The Father Load's HOSPITAL closed CLINIC today AND tomorrow! so he is home safely & early, which is nice for a change. But I have grown weary of the shoveling. My poor dog is a mini-Poodle and he can barely get out there if I don't clear some snow out of the way.
    ;-(

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