Sunday, January 23, 2011

Why I Love Getting Older

 

Juicyredpepper "Why is it that we have to wait until we are 50 years old, before we see just how beautiful a red pepper is?," Sandy Dennis laments in Alan Alda's mid-life themed movie, The Four Seasons.

That clarity of appreciation that she speaks of, that wonder of our world, is one of the things I've grown into since getting older. It is a new way of living for me, and I love it.

I wasn't always this way. I lived life in a blur, crossing things off my list of what needed to be done, and diving into the next project. As I've gotten older, I have found a wonderful place to be in my life--that of gratitude for what is around me. At this age, I've come to realize what is important, and--not to be morbid--but I also know that I have already spent half of the life I've been given.

I want to spend the life ahead of me in happiness. I don't want to waste any more time with sadness, miscommunication, or missed opportunities, as I have done. I know each day is gone at sunset, and, like currency, spent forever.

I want to revel in my world, with all of my senses, fully aware. 
 
My husband and I are blessed with three beautiful sons, and being an older mother, our young sons are with me on this new found place in my life. What I now feel is a sense of extraordinary in all that once was ordinary to me. This new perception mimics the wonder of our youngest son.

My son and I walk hand in hand, and I marvel at the softness of his skin in my palm. We walk without needing to take a watch along, we find earthworms, and squat down to see how they squirm their way back to where they came from. We look at the vast possibilities of flowers, stopping to admire and count how many petals in each, and talk about which colors look best next to each other. He sees nothing unusual in soaking in the world with his whole being. As for me, this is a new way to see things. I used to run on all cylinders, like a machine, multitasking through my day. Efficiency! Efficiency! was my mantra.
 
But now, something about being my age is so real and visible to me: it is a marker on the half way point of my life gauge, a road sign on the highway, a mile marker. It's a second chance to get things right, and not long make the mistakes I've made, such as living life as a to-do list.

My age feels like a golden ticket allowing me to change the way I've been doing things. I have the okay to get rid of all the anger over petty things, to let things slide, to make allowances for people, consider differences in opinions and lifestyles. It is a more loving volume in this book of my life.
 
Getting older can conjure up different feelings and attitudes in people. I never thought about what it would feel like to be getting older. I had no apprehension, and I only had what my older sisters had been telling me would be a "new and improved me" with age.

My older sisters would so often tell me how much I would enjoy getting older. They may not have realized that they were doing that at the time, but with their comments of, "oh, that won't bother you when you're older," led me to look forward to growing older.

I feel unbound from all these heavy thoughts, the thoughts I used to have that took up so much of my mental and physical energy. Worries of someone disagreeing with my opinion at our town meeting, or of how the neighbors would think of us if they saw weeds in our lawn. Yes, these things are important, to keep your home and appearance up... but to let it become a source of daily concern? Not so very healthy for the mind and soul. I looked forward to the days my sisters spoke of, when I'd no longer be tied down to things that I somehow felt in my gut--things that were a waste of what could be spent in positive thoughts.

My sisters are right. I do love being older. I am more secure in myself when I express an opinion, I think twice, no—three times before I speak, so that the words I choose are gentle. I try to see why someone would say some of the things that they do, and examine all the possibilities that would bring them to that opinion. While I don't make allowances for bad behavior, I try to understand the root cause.

I feel freer, happier, and more accepting and understanding of myself and with what I am able to do. I no longer feel that I need to be all things and do all things, or that I have to keep up with what everyone else is doing and is able to do. I recognize my limitations, and frankly, my shortcomings. I may not do all things well, but I'll try my best.

What I have is valuable enough for me, and my family. I don't need more to show what I am, or who I am. 
 
This new me finds joy and blessings in what used to be everyday and expected.

Our weekly Farmer's Market has become just such a new source of this beauty for me. I walk past the vendors with my children, stopping at each stand. I linger at the farmer who seems to have the largest peppers each time. I pick up a red pepper, turning it over in my hand. My children watch me and say, "yes, yes, we know what you're going to say; 'kids! just look at how beautiful this red pepper is... isn't it glorious?"

My children are right. I do ask them that. Every single time, because red peppers have become more beautiful to me, with each year.

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59 comments:

  1. For me the best part about getting older is caring less and less about what other people think. It's why I have finally started writing on "paper" and not just on my head. (See I'm old enough that the notion of writing things down to me = paper. Screen is just not as real, even though I do mostly write on my computer.)

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  2. Um, I be very tired.. that should have been "IN my head" NOT "on my head." As far as I know, I have never written anything on my head... no facial tattoos, no. Although my child was once waving an uncapped sharpie around and I did end up with a black line across my cheek, but that's another story.

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  3. Maybe I'm just not old enough. I like red peppers, but...

    Anyway, beautiful post. I'm gonna go stare down some peppers now and see if it makes me feel young-at-heart.

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  4. I listen to staff in my office complain they are turning 30 or 40. I have always found I love the life I am having in that moment and don't look back and wish for younger days.

    The only thing I might change is putting more sunblock on my neck.

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  5. WOW. This is such a lovely post Alexandra. You know, I always sulk at being 22. I feel i am old enough already. I feel so bad because I think more often about the missed opportunities that went with my 18, 19, 20... This Feb I am turning 23 and somehow this year i feel better because I know that I reaching one year closer to my dreams, one year closer to freedom, and one year closer to do things which i could not do when i was 18. in fact i am feeling better about growing up. :-)

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  6. Lovely lovely post.

    My thing for this year that I am WANTING and STRUGGLING with is being in the moment. IN THE MOMENT. I'm not very good at that so I am practicing like hell.

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  7. It's so nice to know that it keeps getting better. I spent most of my 20s dreading 30 and then I LOVED 30. Since then I've embraced every year that followed, loving it more than the one before. Yay for age!

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  8. Living with an attitude of gratitude makes the days fly by and the moments last forever. Sweet write, Alexandra.

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  9. Well said. But as much as age is bringing me contentment with who I am, it is separating me from other moms. Being 48 (soon 49) and having kids that are 5, 4, & 4 puts me a good 15 or 20 years older than all the moms I know with young kids. Their worries are just so different ... not bad or wrong ... just different. I struggle to find common ground with other moms for the sake of my kids but the reality is that I'm in such a different place in my life ... I have no desire to go back.

    Great post !!!

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  10. I share a lot of your feelings about aging and the shift in mental approach that comes with middle age. Sadly, I haven't found that "slow down" sweet spot yet. I feel very much like the proverbial hamster on the wheel and I don't really see the finish line yet. Reading this makes me look harder at the horizon and anticipate reaching that place.

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  11. What a beautiful post. I'm not sure this is always the case with most people. There is more fear involved. But I do like that as I get older, I care less about what others think. Just this week it was so cold outside that I put on some goofy warm hat that I found in my drawer, in order to take a walk. And I remembered back when I was a teenager, and how I would hide the hat my mother gave me to wear to school in the bushes just so I wouldn't be seen wearing a hat in the freezing cold, and thought of as a wimp. The young can be such idiots!

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  12. I'd have to agree. Now that I'm 51 I actually struggle LESS with my weight, my looks and all the minutia (spelling?) that took up so much of my mental time. I just go with the flow more. Of course, it's chaotic when your kids are little and it's difficult to slow down but try it sometimes.

    I just started blogging this year and it's a whole, new, unexpected gift. Getting older is not so awful when there's stuff to look forward to every day!

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  13. Thank you so much for this post. I'm 32. You've just given me a reminder to slow down and appreciate life. Of course, there's a little voice warning me that if I don't work hard now, I won't have the resources to allow me to relax at 50. It's a toss-up.

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  14. There is an ease of living that comes with maturity. You've captured it quite well here.

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  15. The reason I love getting old is that I have to be alive to do it. I love breathing, and walking and eating and bodily functions and all the stuff you can’t do when you finished getting older. I don’t care if the pepper is red as long as I can see it, eat it, smell it and feel it.

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  16. Such a lovely post! I'm in my mid thirties and have two little ones. They've already forced me to slow done and appreciate the small things. I admit, I still have lots and lots of to-do lists, but it doesn't bother me nearly so much as it used to when little to none gets accomplished on a daily basis. So happy to have found your blog through Marinka!

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  17. Wonderful read! Its true as we age we really come into our own.

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  18. I'm 44YO and have been mid-lifing for a few years. Pondering time, moments, relationships. I have three sons, 13, 11 and 5, and I'm trying to noisily slurp them up through a straw at the end of every day. Time's going too fast. I love, "...living life as a to-do list." I still have one foot in that practice and your post is a reminder to pull my foot out. Fast! Found you via Christy. [the beautiful commenter above me!]

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  19. Given the option of being dead or being older and alive, I chose the second one every time. Life is short - make the most of it, people!

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  20. What a beautiful post. I am so glad that life gets better and better as we age. I look back at my twenties and I just smile : ) So many things that I thought were the MOST IMPORTANT things Ever were insignificant in the scope of life : )

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  21. Very nice post and I love red peppers. They are beautiful. I love using them as bowls for dips.

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  22. I'm twenty-four, though I have been married and divorced and am now engaged again (hopefully this time IS forever)and I have the three most beautiful daughters. I loved reading this post. Sometimes I feel much older than I am and sometimes I give in to the anger or selfishness of trying to be efficient. But I chose my life and I am happy that I am in it and reading your post today made me feel confident about my own future with my family, to just take my time with them.

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  23. 50 is your HALFWAY point?!

    I hit my halfway point at 30.

    I hope.

    100 seems like overkill.

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  24. you captured turning 50 just right... I could so totally relate to all you said- great post!

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  25. I totally agree except for the aches and pains getting above my threshold and interfering with daily life. That and the fact that so many of my friends are coping with illness/death of loved ones. But not living in the moment or not growing more comfortable in my own skin (kinda hate that expression, that and "pick your brain") is no help at all, so on balance, I'll take the older and wiser option too.

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  26. I so hope this is true for me one day. I so hope. I hope that the day can come for me when I can just accept and enjoy my life, relax into it and take each day as it comes. I hope.

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  27. What a beautiful post! I 100% agree - getting older is a gift to be appreciated and treasured! When you can combine that with a view through our children's eyes it takes on a whole new perspective and beauty. Well said!!

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  28. You are just too adorable for words. And red bell peppers ARE beautiful. And I love Alan Alda. Life is glorious, isn't it? Especially when your toddler naps. :)

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  29. Your kids are so lucky to grow up with a mom who knows that true meaning there is in life.
    Mine know the "frantic crazy bitch" and I worry about that.

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  30. I have loved every stage of growing older (except for the fact that I'm starting to see my mother's neck below my chin).

    Thank you for reminding me that this is an acceptable reaction (rather than woe-is-me plastic surgery and other acts of self loathing).

    As long as I am allowed to laugh at my weaknesses and celebrate my strengths, I can (will) continue to feel this way unapologetically.

    Those of us who can appreciate the beauty of a red pepper are lucky at any age...

    What a gift to have been given.

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  31. "A loving volume in the book of my life" - I love that!

    And I'm with you on this one.

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  32. I agree! The otehr day I was carded by a 20 something woman at the cash register and I could see her doing the math in her head. I said "I'm 43" and she said "Wow, you said that out loud for everyone to hear."

    Yeah. I'm 43 & I don't care who knows it.

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  33. I love your beautiful personality and take on life. Its so refreshing :)

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  34. Well said. It is true for me as well, I find myself taking the time to really enjoy things I would have overlooked in my younger years.

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  35. I really loved this, Alexandra. I agree that getting older is truly enjoyable to me--I'm so so much happier now than when I was in my 20's. Beautiful, honey!

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  36. Yes. Exactly!
    I look at things much differently now than I did in my 20's and 30's.
    It started for me at 40. And each year has been another new adventure.
    At 54, I love to walk the yard and talk to the flowers as they first come up in spring. I encourage the veggies and fruits as they grow. And I'm always in
    awe of the beauty around me.

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  37. You had to know that I would love this.

    And I do. And I agree that it just keeps getting better and better! So many things I don't care so much about anymore...and so many new things to care more about.

    This is lovely, and I'm glad you ran it here.

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  38. I love that you posted this here. It was so honest and inspiring. And I love that you are so happy and content with your life!

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  39. I am looking at the calendar and realizing that I have only 375 days left in which to enjoy my Thirties... not that I'm freaking out and being weird about it or anything. (ahem, yet I did the Math...)

    I'm hoping that you are right and that in another ten years that wrinkle I noticed yesterday - and those little spiky grey hairs that will not be colored are not going to bother me :)

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  40. Beautiful! Absolutely and positively beautiful. And I couldn't agree more!

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  41. I'm allergic to red pepper. But other than that? This was exactly what I needed. Thank you.

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  42. I am thrilled with how many lovely people are getting this post. I am so very thrilled. Thank you. You don't know how the comments on this post here, are thrilling me.

    I always liked this post...

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  43. This is great.

    I love seeing someone embracing life, and all it's wonders, instead of lamenting their age. So beautiful.

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  44. What a lovely thing to think about on a Sunday evening.

    What a good reminder.

    And yes, red peppers are stunning.

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  45. I'll be 42 in May but I am not worried 'cuz I plan on living to be 130. I won't lie and say that there are things that I don't like about my age, but they have little to do with my mental state.

    Mostly it is just frustration that I can't keep up the physical pace I used to- but overall it is great being older. I know what I want.

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  46. I love this, what a great way to begin my Monday morning, before the rush of appointments and playdates. I try to slow down and appreciate the moments but I know that life gets away from me all too often.

    Thank you, off to find my red pepper.

    Have a wonderful day.

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  47. Beautiful! I am realizing the importance of slowing down and living life, but I still have a hard time letting go of my to-do list.

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  48. Man, now you've got me excited about getting older - I don't like peppers now at all.

    But just wait world.

    Just wait.

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  49. "I know each day is gone at sunset, and, like currency, spent forever. I want to revel in my world, with all of my senses, fully aware."<As always, Alexandra, I love the way you choose your words.

    I find this to be so true. Each year I gain a deeper appreciation for the world around me. I never realized it had anything to do with age, but I think you're on to something. I love that you're showing your children at a young age to understand the importance and beauty that can be found in the simplest of places, like a red pepper.

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  50. Wow you actually made us want to get older, you rule! Thanks for sharing, now we're wanting to snack on red peppers...

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  51. I like (love) this one too, Alexandra. I remember being 30 and hearing someone describe a 43 year old co-worker, "M.'s changed alot...she no longer cares as much what others think, and so she's become more confident." I remember secretly looking forward to turning 40 for that reason alone, as I knew it - that confidence - wasn't something I could become overnight. Thanks for reminding us the joys of getting older, especially us younger ones who sometimes spend more time caring about things that don't matter much.

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  52. Love this. You got me thinking about how back years ago when our grandparents were young parents - this is the life they led. No rushing, no craziness. They stopped at farmer's markers and picked peppers. They spent time with people and took life in. All at a younger age than we do now. I guess maybe now that we live longer the realization of life starts later too? Not sure - but I am certainly looking forward to that day too now, thank you.

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  53. Just found your blog. Love this entry. I am not quite there yet but getting close. I also like the above entry where you allow your kids to author the post.

    that is all

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  54. You are such an inspiration to me, Empress. I have been struggling with getting older the past few years. I'm trying to get used to the fact that I am not a hot young babe anymore. I loved this post because it totally made me realize that I just need to relax into myself and into my life. You are amazing. I love you.

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  55. I'm turning thirty in a month. I cannot wait! I feel the same way you do - getting older is such a blessing.

    Your ability to slow down and enjoy every moment? yeah, I don't have that. I can't wait to get to that point. I think I will someday, but it's easier said than done.

    just stopping in after reading snuggle wasteland. T has good taste :)

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  56. I love this post!

    Thank-you for reminding us to stop and smell the peppers! *smile*

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