Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Mouthy Housewives-----Blast From The Past

Selflessly Neglecting Their Families To Give Us Advice since 2009

When I first began blogging this year, I found a blog that I have loved since.

The Mouthy Housewives.

Hilarious beyond beyond double snort funny advice dispensing by gloriously irreverent brilliant women.  Women like Jessica Bern,  Wendi Aarons, Heather Hitchcock, Marinka, Kelcey Kintner.

I followed them and read for a month or so, then in April, I decided to send in a letter requesting advice, called "Does Mama Have a "Puter Addiction?" I signed it "Headed to Rehab?"

Well, Mouthy Housewives took it.

When I found out they were posting my letter, I died. I.died. Anyway, here is my original letter requesting advice for my --ahem--mommy friend air quotes with the computer addiction. The resulting comments, from Gigi and Erin and others...oh, more precious than a Modern Family marathon. {damn near close}

Now, go, get your Depends on for your mommy bladders, cuz this blast from the past here? Kills me.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

How do you know when you really do have a problem with spending too much time in front of the computer? If the kids mention it, is it a problem? If the husband hasn’t mentioned yet…then maybe not a problem? If the house hasn’t been cleaned in, oh–3 weeks, but hot meals still being served, semi-problem? If feeling guilty? Then, a problem?


Headed to Rehab

Dear Headed to Rehab,

Let me get this straight.  Your husband hasn’t mentioned that you’re on the computer too often, your house was cleaned sometime within the last month, you’re serving hot meals and you’re wondering if you have a problem with the amount of time you spend on the computer?   Well the short answer is, “no!”  The slightly longer version of the answer is, “Are you kidding me?  NO!”

If you were spending too much time in front of the computer, your kids would be getting nothing but some kibble and a bowl of water for nourishment.  Your house would look like something from an episode of Hoarders and your thighs would be permanently scarred from laptop burns.  And you thought you had a problem.  HA!  Not even.

I think the real problem here is society!  YES, SOCIETY.  It’s society who wants to keep us wimmens in the kitchen and away from the technological devices.  You’re obviously buying into this oppression.   Were you exposed to lots of lemon scented Pine-Sol as a child?  I suspect so.

I suppose there are other things you could be doing with your time, like cleaning your house everyday or sewing or, GAH, volunteering.   Sure, they are noble endeavors, but can you imagine what your funeral will be like someday?  Snoozefest, for sure.  Hanging out on the computer all day exposes you to all sorts of fun and interesting people.

Now go relax with a little Facebook or Twitter.  Enjoy!

Jennifer, Guest TMH

28 Responses to “When Does Mommy Have a Computer Addiction?”

Comment by brigid.
My child just got on the bus in clean clothes with breakfast in her stomach. I say that earns me a good 45 minutes of computer time.
I like the way you think.

Comment by Nicki Woo.
Oh, Thank God! My kids and my husband are complaining, but I haven’t served kibble, yet. So I should be in good shape, right?

Comment by Jennifer S.
Just, whew.

Comment by Heather.
I was exposed to a lot of Pine Sol as a child too. Let’s start a support group.
Comment by Sierra @ ChildWild.
LOVE THIS. I just wrote an article for Strollerderby about how the “concern” over moms multitasking and computer use is really just a front for more social mom-control, keeping women in their place and guilt-tripping them for using their brains: http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2010/04/15/parents-working-at-home-hurts-kids/

Comment by sharon byrne.
Some people spend the day with the TV on- I spend it with the computer on. I figure if you can walk away from it if something else demands your attention (bleeding children/bird flies in the house/telemarketer calls…) then there is no problem at all!

Forget the rest – how do YOU feel without the computer? Do you get high blood pressure, tachycardic, and sweaty palms wondering if you have a new email or Twitter message? Do you forget the diaper bag but never your Blackberry? Do you keep the red blinking light within view even during intimate moments? If no, you’re not to Intervention stage yet. Call us when you start audibly saying LOL and FF and WW to your kids.

You just made about a million bloggers feel better.

Comment by Marinka, TMH.
As long as you don’t name your kid “Twitter”, I don’t see a problem. And even “Twitter” can have the adorable “Tweetie” nickname.

Comment by Stacia.
Addiction? Absolutely not. But I’m already doing the 12 steps … read blog, make comment, refresh reader, edit own post, ignore cell phone, publish post …

Comment by Formerly Gracie.
First: Jennifer, I adore you, but I think you already knew that :-P
Second: I am typing this as my kids are in the same room, but learning how to to amuse themselves. It’s a vital life skill. Most important of all, they’re learning that Mommy is a woman of the world (the world wide web, but still…) and has other other interests besides wiping their bummies. So blog away!

Comment by Marie Green.
While I loved this post, and chuckled a little, even, (why YES, I *was* exposed to copious amounts of lemon-scent pinesol… that explains so much now!), I have to say that I sometimes think I DO spend too much time online.
My only marker for judging this is: on days when I’m too busy to spend hours and hours on the computer, I feel SO MUCH BETTER at the end of the day. I’m happier, more content, and more “in love” with my kids and husband.
While I don’t think I have an “addiction problem” I do think that I [sometimes] need to have better boundaries with my time in general, and specifically how much time I spend online…
Thanks for the funny post on a topic we all think about from time to time!

Comment by Heather.
So about those laptop burns…that’s not really a sign of a problem right? I atleast make sure to serve the kids warm food, thank goodness for microwaves. I’m going to order myself a cooling pad though, just in case.

Comment by MommyNamedApril.
i think the yardstick is something like cereal for more than 4 family meals (not including breakfast) = maybe a little too much time on the internet. otherwise? you’re golden. ;-)

So…kibble’s *not* ok?

Comment by Lisa.
What I don’t like about spending time on the internet is how the time itself seems to disappear.
When my daughter naps, if I hop online, it feels like the hour or maybe two goes by in the blink of an eye. I don’t feel like I actually got much of a break – it certainly doesn’t feel that way. I think part of it, is that no matter how much I read, there is always more out there, so I’m left feeling wanting more.
I’ve found it’s actually much more relaxing to watch a dvr’ed episode of something. Definitely feels like much more of a break.

Comment by Alexandra.
Oh, now I’m very scared…does it mean you have a problem if you relate to every single comment made up above?
How about the fact that you know what they all mean?
And then, throw in the rationalization comment that “others watch TV”
I feel like Jake Sully who is now a blue Na’avi.

Comment by mrsblogalot.
YES! YES! YES!!!!!!!
Love=blog validation mixed with blame on society along with a Lemon Pine Sol chaser
I’ll have whatever Jennifer is having…always!!!

Comment by Aging Mommy.
I keep telling myself the carpal tunnel syndrome in my left wrist and the stiff neck and shoulders I have are nothing to do with the time I spend on the computer – denial is a sad state to be in but don’t let ANYONE dare take my computer away!!
Love this site – just discovered you through The Empress and look forward to reading more!

Comment by gigi.
Relative to my own mother, who spent every afternoon “resting” (aka NAPPING) on the couch while watching Days of Our Lives, Another World and some other now-defunct soap opera while I ran amok in a vacant lot next to a busy road, I feel that my incessant computer time during the day, as well as my waking up in the middle of the night thinking about blog posts, is pretty damn intellectual.
found y’all from the Empress and can’t wait to read more. This is the kind of smart blog I’ve been looking for.

Comment by robin.
A-women…finally a place to call home…I lIke it here..!..the only thing that really bothers me about my addiction is the “butt spread”..I need to find a way to stand and do lunges while typing..now that would be my answer from above..the kids can cook now..the hubs has a hobby..and besides everyone says I ask too many questions..now they beg me for my time…Lol

Comment by Motpg.
I figure I’m ok as long as I don’t start thinking about my blog when my husband wants to “cuddle”. I Haven’t done that…Really…

Comment by Lz.
Good advice! If my kids are dressed, fed and not yelling for me, I think I’ve earned some computer time. My husband thinks differently. He is wrong.

Comment by Cheryl.
No kids. One husband who does worry I spend too much time on the computer. He spends way too much time on it too it’s just he doesn’t think very highly of blogs. Dolt. Don’t cook but that’s not new. I think I’m good for awhile. Pine Sol kept me off the computer for ages. I’m just catching up.

Comment by SeriousMom.
Hey, at least I’m improving my mind by playing word games and reading blogs, right? Although, I could probably lay off the ebay.

I’m thankful for these words because….I’ve been wondering….

Comment by Zoey @ Good Goog.
My husband does mention it regularly. But I ignore him, because I think anyone who spends hours on an xbox doesn’t really get a say. And my 2 year old often closes the laptop but I don’t take that seriously because, well she’s two, she just likes closing stuff. That’s my story anyway and I’m sticking to it.


I'm posting my favorite posts from this past year, because it's fun.  This post was originally up at The Mouthy Housewives.


  1. I've been waiting for you to post this for, like, 12 hours.


    Maybe I should have written them.

    Also, aren't all housewives mouthy?

    I suppose shit like that explains why I'm divorced.

    Stupid hindsight.

  2. OHMYGOSH!!!!! This was the first post I ever saw by the Mouthy Housewives and instantly fell in love with them (and the advice seeker, of course)!!! What a coincidence.

    Man I sound like a suck up.


  3. Shh... don't tell anyone; since we're alone now?

    But my husband hasn't been fed a decent meal for months, the house is filthy, my child is grown and gone (all except the four legged ones) who I throw a biscuit to every now and then.

    I suppose now that I've been silently stalking one of the above mouthy ones for a long time; I suppose I should stop with the random "hit and runs!"

    Headed off to Rehab; or Twitter, or Facebook.

  4. That's awesome! And oh so true! My hubs is totally threatened by my superior abilities with technology...Christmas Day had him applying stickers to the Barbie camper while I hooked up the new TV & X-Box....but I'm not allowed to tell anyone that....

    Happy 2011 my lovely, hope your holidays were absolutely wonderful!! xo

  5. Would you believe I missed this post too? Where was I? Who was I? How did I function? And I'm even more embarrassed to say I have never been to visit the mouthy women of which you write. This comment is yet another example of "My life under a rock." I'm too busy putting on and taking off snow pants. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

  6. I love the Mouthy Housewives, and I love you. This post and these comments....perfection!

  7. OK, so I didn't listen to your warning about Depends and I just finished a large glass of wine while blogging/tweeing and ignoring my kids. Hubby is out of town.

    Oh wait. The kids went to bed.

    But this is very funny and I will have to go and check them out! After I pee.

  8. i sniffed pine sol once when i was 9 and nearly had a stroke. true story.

    i suppose that explains a lot about me.

  9. I definitely remember this post, and laughing so hard. There ought to be a technology addicts recovery group or something...tomorrow, Alexandra, maybe you should follow up with the post by your hubby ;-)

    Would love to hear a one-year follow up too!

    Love the flashbacks!

  10. This is absolutely brilliant. I'd never heard of them before now and, clearly, I have to check them out. I'm glad you shared this again because I needed the laugh!

  11. smiles....holding my comment...lol

  12. Oohh, after cleaning up the mouthful of tea I spat on my screen (does cleaning my computer count as 'cleaning'?) I am actually mightily relieved with both the question AND the answer. I don't have a problem :D Jen

  13. I found the Mouthy Housewives ages ago--love the advice they dispense. A actually remember this question. How awesome to "know" the person who sent it.
    As for Computer use, the only time I get mildly guilty about using it is when the two year old whines and complains when I got to sit down with the laptop. I justify it to myself by saying he fusses when I go to the bathroom too. He's a tad clingy sometimes.

  14. Love TMH but somehow missed this one. Thanks for this blast from the past and bit of advice just as I was lamenting the state of my floors! You rock Empress!!

  15. TMH sound hilarious! I'm off to check them out. As for too much computer time the kids haven't been fed cat food yet so feel like I'm doing okay.

  16. That was you? I'd have been thrilled too and wondering how my life would change. Then the inevitable disappointment and envy would kick in that I wasn't asked to become a Mouthy Housewife myself. And also that I was old because they didn't have lemon scented Pine Sol when I was a kid. Only piney Pine Sol. Damn.



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