Wednesday, July 4, 2012

No, It Is Not Hot Enough For Me

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
 --Margaret Mead

Summer, with its beauty, is not without its thorns. Every 15 seconds during this long awaited favorite season of the year, when hit by hot, very hot weather, we are subjected to one of the most rhetorical, purposeless phrases of our language. As if the sting of salty sweat dripping from our brow into our eyes wasn't enough, we must also be asked "Hot enough for ya?"

Wiping at the shimmering drops on our foreheads with the front of our hands, for the 20th time in a day upon hearing this phrase that means "hot," we once again pull our lips into a Jim Halpert in the confessional forced smile and reply, "sure is." What else can we say?

Not wanting to be labeled the neighborhood nut, we can't answer sarcastically, "If you're asking me, I like it about 40 degrees warmer," nor give them an Angela-esque, "No, as a matter of fact, it is not hot enough for me. Is it hot enough for you?"  But how else do we answer? Rolling our eyes and smacking their question back to them with, "Really?* Hot enough for ya?* Is that the best you got?" isn't going to work. [at least I can't - I live in a small town and news of who's the latest crazy travels fast #Lessons Learned File No. 47]

How much less annoying these fry an egg on the sidewalk days would be if we didn't play the you don't like saying it and I don't like hearing it game of "Hot Enough For Ya?"

All it takes is one person to take up the fight and say Enough! One person, one thought, one cry of No More!

Let's take "Hot Enough For Ya" and make it history.

Let's educate, raise awareness, and the best action plan of all: Offer Alternatives.

 Other Things You Can Say Besides Hot Enough For Ya

-It's 50 shades of red out here!

-It's hotter than that metal slide at the park they put in during FDR's New Deal Act of 1939. Burns my kids' thighs off every year but no one in this town seems to want to get rid of it. (might as well make it serve your personal agenda)

-How about plain and simple: "Dang hot out today, isn't it?"

-You know that 100 degree heat index they're talking about? They're talking about in the shade. Stand in the sun and you'd better have that Dr. on speed dial because you've got guaranteed heat stroke, my friend. Guaranteed.

-It's so hot I'd even pay Starbucks the 5 bucks they want for one of their frappe mocha chino latte ice chiller frosties.

-It's so hot Chuck Norris is starting to sweat.

-Me? Hot? Not anymore since I started talking Celsius. 95 degrees F = 35 degrees C ahhhhh...
-I'm about to sleep naked! Right here!

-It's so hot it's affecting my thinking. Tom Cruise seems sane.

-Looks like it's another one of those days! Where everybody takes a picture of their dashboard thermometer and puts it on facebook!

-If it weren't for the way this weather makes me look like I need hormone replacement therapy, I'd love it. 

-The temperature today could shatter a thermometer. And that scares me. Do they still use mercury? (worth a shot at the possibility of conversation and maybe making a new friend. Delirium does funny things and people let their guard down)

-Had a dream last night that I was the sun.

-Decide that an Excessive Heat Advisory gives you the license to lose it and say this, ALL of this: "Hot summer streets and the pavement is burning, trying to smile but the air is heavy and dry. Too close for comfort and this heat has got right out of control. It's a cruel ... cruel ... cruel summer." 

-It's so hot I saw two trees fighting over a dog. (not really, but could get you a chuckle)

-Whew. Don't know about you but something about wearing white underwear just makes me feel cooler.

A fire starts with a single flare. The single flare of taking a match to the Hot Enough For Ya automatic phrase of summer. I believe none of us really ever wants to say it in the first place, and now we can say what we really mean instead. Which is, I'd get in line for a water baptism today.


*Happy Fourth to all of you!

**I'm thrilled that a post I submitted to mamapedia is up today: "How To Be An Embarrassment To Your Teen." Come. Read. Join me, in the very special club of causing embarrassment to your offspring by the mere act of breathing.


  1. When I read your title, I thought you were loving the heat. I was afraid it had gotten to you and fried your brain.

    1. Ms> A: it has been so HOT here that no one even feels like eating today. I guess good for a few pounds weight loss, but hot!!

  2. Oh this heat wave. We should have started with the monsoons but it is a bit late this year. And, I am not sure I can really blame Katie Holmes or Tom Cruise for their split. This heat can make things like that happen.

    1. I'm giggling because my brother-in-law, a policeman, says extreme temperatures are what cause the most domestic conflicts (we have thousands here still without power).

  3. hehe....try doing it without AC....still no power here and day 6 of over this point we dont ask that question, it might get you killed...

    1. I'm sorry, Brian (we have power, just no AC), so I won't complain because at least we have fans. And ice. The city has nicely opened pools that are usually closed today, and extended the hours.

  4. Here in Florida, it's just miserable. I don't know which is worse - the heat, or the humidity!
    Eli Whitney is my hero.

    Hope you have a happy 4th of July!

  5. I'm fortunate to be one with power, but I only have a window AC unit, it's literally 100 degrees out and my living room is 86 degrees. The weatherman actually said, "Aside from the extreme heat, humidity and severe drought, it wasn't a really bad day." WTH? Hopefully we get relief on Sunday. I hope that your own comes as well!

    (And yes, it IS hot enough for me. Thank you for letting me vent.)

  6. When we first moved to Abu Dhabi, last August, there were some kids playing outside and - yes - they had literally fried an egg on the sidewalk. I didn't realize that it could be done, in actual fact. So you might consider that as a possible response to "maaaaa whadda we gonna doooooo." My grandfather, in an elegant turn of phrase, used to say "hotter than a half-f**ked fox in a forest fire." So you could try that. Pretty much silences any subsequent conversation.
    And aren't we lucky that so many politicians are telling us that there's no such thing as global warming or climate change? Because if there *were* such a thing, a person might consider it strange that the temperatures in the American Midwest are only about 10 degrees off from those in the freaking Middle Eastern desert. And no, it's not a dry heat. You know how it feels when you open the dryer when the clothes aren't quite dry? that blast of hot, wet air? Yeah. That.

  7. I whine about the cold so I try to play nice about the heat. I don't think it's fair to complain about both unless you're on a waiting list to live in a biosphere. And talking about the weather is the verbal equivalent of wearing sweatpants: it's like giving up. Also: your guest post about embarrassing your teen was hysterical, especially that last quote in caps. But I think you've missed out on years of fun by trying not to embarrass your offspring.

  8. It does sound a lot cooler when you say it in Celsius...unless you are a Canadian :)
    It's so hot out our houses are melting. Poor iggloos.

  9. Hello Empress!! Catching up on your blog today, as I've been derailed by the summer (read: kids)!

    Great post....

    And it's so hot, I can't think of anything witty to say. I'm just tired of my underwear sticking to my butt...

  10. I went outside yesterday long enough to realize, "Hey, this is stupid." And then I went back inside.

  11. Tom Cruise seems sane - *snort*. LOL This is pretty funny. We have the opposite problem here. It's always "Think we're going to get any summer this year?"

  12. I am a major hater of that question. I'm still working on my perfect response, after all these years, so I appreciate your suggestions!

  13. my dad's "hot enough for ya" was and sadly, remains... prepare yourself... "It's hotter than a witches tit in July!"

    How he knows, I have no idea.

  14. I don't believe I've ever in my life uttered this phrase, though I've heard it said way too much in one lifetime. I'm with you. You have some great alternatives (love the dogs fighting over the tree one especially).

    XOXO and hope you had a very happy Fourth!

  15. Do I know hot. I have been perspiring for 24 hours a day. For the last 9 weeks.

  16. Hilarious! I love the naked one, because in our recent power outage, we really did have to sleep in our unders only. We HAD to, I say!

  17. The Chuck Norris one made me chuckle. A lot.

    And the "sleep naked, right here" is making me think that I need to write a story about a nudist narcoleptic.

  18. Sorry, just got around to squeegeeing myself off the floor to read some was hot enough for me 15 degrees ago. My hair likes to ask if it's humid enough!

  19. It's not the heat so much as it's the humidity. . . Or maybe people just say that in Arkansas.

  20. Ha! I'm snorting thinking about what people would actually do if I said half of this stuff. Thanks for making this unbearable heat funny--a true feat!



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