Saturday, November 29, 2014

Six Steps to Getting Out of Bed (When You Don't Want To)


It's amazing how much I love the feeling of sleep. Starting with the weight of my corduroy blanket on my tired body, to the cool pillow that presses against my cheek. That space between here and there when I'm just on the verge of drifting away makes me feel like I just won the lottery.

I enjoy the physicality of sleeping much more than the average person. I can tell, because even now while I write about the time spent to myself snuggled down in a warm cocoon, I'm just about swooning. Soon, oh soon tonight, I will be setting my body down to rest and those first few seconds of being horizontal in between long awaited sheets are among the most guilt-free acts of self care that exist. We all need our sleep and no one -- not even yourself -- will talk you out of it. "You really don't need to sleep," now that's something you'll never hear anyone tell you.

Because I love to sleep, getting out of bed is a problem. The first word of my day has always been, no. No no no no, followed by not yet. How does a person will their body out of a place that makes them feel like they're the queen of a small country?

When your kids are dragging at you and begging you to please get up mom we need to go to school, you have to get up. You may not want to but we must soldier on. It's like that perfect bible verse, "He who eats, must work." Waking up, is my work.

The next time it's time to get out of bed, and you just don't damn want to, try these six steps in the battle to get upright:

Step One:
Set your coffee machine the night before. The enticement of hearing my favorite drink gurgle and brew is sometimes all I need. Just the promise of the roasted beans that will soon hit my lips can coax me up and out of my stupor.

Step Two:
Have your alarms placed far away from your bed and no pleasant sound chimes, either. Pick the most irritating, obnoxious sound you can think of. Like a.m. radio. That'll get you jumping out from the covers to shut off the squawk box.

Step Three:
Fill your refrigerator with something you like very, very much for breakfast. I'm crazy about Yoplait whips/chocolate raspberry. The fact that these little plastic tubs are responsible for getting me downstairs makes them calorie free. Think on that, it'll soon make sense.

Step Four:
Have a dog. Dogs need to be walked to go pee. You got to get up.

Step Five:
Remind yourself how important you are. Get out of bed. If you imagine myself as a Clan of the Cave Bear character, you'll see, it all hinges on you.

Step Six:
Get up because you have to brush your teeth. Think about how much you want to brush your teeth. Pretty soon you'll know that there is nothing else you want more in the world than to get out of bed and brush your teeth. You'll do anything to have the feel of clean, smooth teeth. The thought of minty fresh breath replacing the old cigar I must've chewed on overnight has me tossing aside the covers 99.9 percent of the time.

Try any of these six suggestions above, see what works. I hope one brings you success, but no matter which one of the above you give a shot, there is only one thing you must do no matter the mind trick you employ: Once out of bed, DO NOT get back in.

Never.

But if you do, email me. I'm here in my pajamas in pre-anticipation phase and I have a little something I can send you called, "Six Steps to Getting Out of Bed (The Second Time)."

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12 comments:

  1. LURVE the Clan of the Cave Bear bit--I often still hoot about Ayla and how she Changed Everything, from inventing the needle and thread to domesticating, um, everything.

    Happy zzzzzzzzz to you.

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    1. YES, Jocelyn. We are SO essential to life!

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  2. I don't get much sleep, so the thought of that first cup of coffee? Mmmm.

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    1. I look so forward to it, it gets me out of bed... the call to me.

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  3. Too funny -- I do all of this. I hate getting up too. Unfortunately, I also hate going to bed. Hardly ever goes well. It's a chronic pain thing. :(

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    1. Oh, Tammy, it's so hard to fall asleep when you're not comfortable.

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  4. ha. my parents got a new water softener...which is in the basement and just beneath my old room...it went off at 1 am....a draining cycle that they think nothing of because they can not hear it in their room....imagine the sound of flooding water....for an hour...its going to take a lot of coffee today...and much better sleep tonight...lol....

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  5. You spoke my heart. From the deliciousness of sleep to the impossibility of getting out of bed.

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    1. Sleep is SUCH a gift! I am grateful that I can always fall asleep, deep delicious sleep.

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  6. Love. Years ago I told my husband about a guy who lived on my floor in college. His roommate Ed told us that when this guy crawled between the sheets, he'd heave a sigh, make a satisfied lip-smacking noise, then gleefully declare, "I love bed, Ed." Whenever we're particularly relieved to feel that slice of wonderful that comes from being snuggled in and headed for dreamland, we utter those words with a sleepy giggle. :)

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